Many years ago, instructions were passed around the group supporting Nathandriel.
They were titled "Instructions for giant erection" and, if studied, gave hints and tips about getting the giant erect. They must have worked because each generation of guardians has known almost instinctively how he goes together, however there are nuances.
So, for the modern age of interwebs and perpetual archives, here are some updated, possibly helpful, aides a memoir for a successful giant erection, in the face of seeming adversity.
There are various sequences that can be used to achieve a successful giant erection; we have selected one.
Of course there is debate every time at attempt is made, however the road to erection is a personal matter that Nathandriel's guardians must find for themselves.
With this in mind, we list the required steps below in no particular order.
Site
Select a suitable site.
Choosing the location for giant erection is the key to a giant erection.
Being 3.5m high when erect, one must have head room. Flatness is handy, necessary for your first solo erection, but not essential. Somewhere private is usual - the public don't need to see giant erection operations nor do they need to see or the sockets for his poles!
Lay out the necessary parts - head, wig, shirt, skirt, poles, belt, shield, sword, arms, harness and last but not least bum roll - a bum roll is absolutely essential for a successful erection attempt... substitutes are possible however they are not anywhere near as effective.
Head
Set the head at the top, upright - so he is staring at the layout area. He will be judging you so pay attention.
Shirt
Get the shirt out - the red velvet number. It is velvet, especially chosen to attract as much loose beard and wig as possible (an alternative explanation is that it doesn't show too many creases).
Arrange it around the front, un-tuck any trapped beard and do up the hook at the back.
Fasting the Velcro at this stage saves embarrassment later and the necessity for finding a ladder at a later stage to correct a poor erection.
Wig
Arrange the support structure at the back of the head; bend as necessary. IF his arms have been stowed in the back of his head, remove them at this stage. It will ruin any attempt at a successful erection if his arms are hidden in his head.
Prepare the wig - extract from its protective bag and inhale as much loose fiber as you can. You may as well get the pain over with now; your face will be in close proximity to the wig in later stages of erection.
Determine the mid point of the wig - yup fibers will fly.
Find the split rings and curtain hooks; attach then to whichever fastening on the head seems right. Too much tension spoils the end result and the erection will lead to disappointment. Too little will result in flapping which helps no-one in any stage of getting erect.
Tie his wig down at the back to the ring.
Lie Nathandriel's head down, with due reverence and care. If he is lying on grass, try to use something to protect the ground from the wig and his shirt from the ground.
Arms
This is where things start getting rather more intimate. The arm fillers must be stuffed. Up the sleeves and tied into his shoulders (at the top, inside the green wire shoulder pads). Various methods of massage/arm wrangling are possible but the end result must hang nicely. Tying-off should be done using some variation on a bow (slip-reef if you insist).
Belt
This is actually a key part of Nathandriel, third only to the carrying frame and head, in importance. Without the belt a giant erection is impossible (or at best very highly improbable)
Get the belt the right way around - the buckle indicates the front. We know you can't see the buckle when the erection is complete; it is retained as a useful hint.
Get the belt the right way up - the white arrow should point down. If it is the wrong way up an erection is a distant dream. Get it right or go limp.
Skirt
The skirt is attached to the belt by dog clips (mini carabiners). The middle front one is marked with a red ribbon.
Attach to the front of the belt in the obvious place.
Attach all the rest from front to back, working your way evenly.
There will always be one left over; this is normal and you have to go back, looking carefully for the split ring you have missed.
Poles
Ah, the poles.
The most mysterious part of all (debatable - it may be the holes for the poles that are more mysterious). Many are the ways they may be assembled but there can be only 1 correct way. Look at the base of the head - there are 4 slots. They are mentally numbered 1 -- 2 (top row) then 3 -- 4 (bottom row). The poles are labeled 1 to 4 and fit (for special values of fit) in the corresponding hole. Before attempting insertion of the poles into the head holes, assemble each pole; each one is two halves, one obviously footed the other not.
The snap pins go in any hole but the pole holes (not the head holes) have to be properly aligned for successful insertion.
There are not very secret markings on the poles to indicate which way around is which however it is traditional to indulge in healthy debate with team members about which goes where and how. Lubrication of the erection team is not helpful.
The poles must be inserted in the head holes for successful erection. This is tricky, yet with practice locating the correct socket and inserting the right pole with the required angle of dangle is a fairly quick process.
Note to future erection specialists - it has been found that artificially lubricating the poles, say with petroleum jelly, makes things worse not better - just jiggle and wiggle until the pole slips in to the non-lubricated hole. It is a tight fit for each pole. Rotate until the jubilee clips showing where the carrying frame should attach are correctly aligned.
N.b. You MUST thread the poles through the belt & skirt. The narrowness of the belt will not even fit over half a pole. The belt, being mill conveyor belt, has no give what so ever. If you fail to remember this important information, no matter how hard you try, a successful erection will not be achieved without complete removal and re-insertion of the poles.
Carrying frame
This has a top side and a bottom side. Get it the right way around. Failure will yet again lead to a disappointing erection. Flat side up side, edge side down side.
The wing nuts need only be removed from one end of the steel straps. The other end needs twiddling until it almost comes off but not quite.
Shove the frame up against the Jubilee clips and tighten the steel strap holding wing nuts. Do not drop them. Much swearing and cursing will ensue. Gaffer tape will not hold the frame anywhere nearly firmly enough.
Sword
Held to the shoulder frame and belt with wingnuts on bolts. It is fairly obvious which hole needs to be used for which bolt. Pull the arm into the leather bracer and tie up with a slip bow.
Shield
Again, held in place with two bolts and two wing nuts. You will wish it were held some other way, however that sadly isn't the case.
The belt end is the easiest to do; the shoulder nut engenders much twisting, turning, dark mutterings of ancient curses. It needs to be done up much further than you think will do - it won't do if its too loose. Remember to tie the left arm to the bracer at back of the shield. You will note that Nathandriel has no left hand!
Commentary
You will, if you have been paying attention, note that the sword and shield, between them, hold up the belt. Do not get them wrong or you will be embarrassed by the skirt falling down, revealing your failure to achieve a firm erection.
Erection
The time is now. Prepare yourselves (Nathandriel is probably impossible to erect safely or, indeed, successfully single handed; no one has survived to tell the tale).
Take deep breaths and have one person at his feet, and one or more at his head.
Foot position needs to stop Nathandriel's feet slipping forwards.
Head position now lifts his head, then shifting grip (and possibly straining something) walks both hands down his frame.
Once Nathandriel's feet are on the ground, your giant erection is nearly complete.
Final touching
The shirt will need adjusting/re-Velcroing; tuck it in to his belt. There may be some means of stopping it from blowing completely inside the belt, there may not. Make the best of it you can. More tittivation aids a better erection.
The bum roll must be tied in; not too tight, not too loose. The joint is not mid-centre front, but it is obvious. Remember to use bows or equivalent.
Tie the bottom of the view port to the frame. Adjust the hang of the skirt for best field of view. Having the bottom of the window tight to the frame helps prevent unwanted glare from the sun. Tighten the frame holding wingnuts. They work loose, and their grip changes as the poles flex (a bit).
Make sure the fireplace is cleaned ready for use - perhaps a bottle of scotch on the mantle-piece is a good idea. The hound needs walking, but will usually sleep in front of the fire.
Stand back and admire your giant erection. Swear a bit, if you find it helps. Take pictures for future reference.
Prepare to meet the public - Faixa up, apply makeup if you want, do some stretches and sally fifth.
Scare those dogs, Terrify those children and Annoy the adults as much as prudent.
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